Dear Laura… Is my husband being an asshole about how we feed our kids?

Welcome to ‘Dear Laura’ - a monthly column where I fashion myself as an agony aunt and answer the questions that readers submit. If you’d like to send in a question for me to answer next month, you can submit it here.

I’m happy to answer Qs about anti-diet nutrition, developing a more peaceful relationship to food and weight-inclusive health, annoying diet trends and news stories, body image challenges, and, of course, challenges with feeding your kiddos. Please give as much detail as you’re comfortable with and let me know if you’d like me to include your name or keep it anon.

Please remember that these answers are for educational purposes only and are not a substitute for medical or nutritional advice; please speak to your GP or a qualified nutrition professional if you need further support.

If you need 1-1 support, I am currently taking on new clients. I can support with a range of nutrition-related issues through a weight-inclusive and mindbody-affirming lens. I especially enjoy working with parents around their children's eating difficulties and how that might intersect with the parent's own relationship with food and their body. If you'd like to find out how I might be able to help, contact hello@laurathomasphd.co.uk to arrange a complimentary 15 minute call.

Dear Laura,

My husband (who is our primary cook) is adamant that our 4 and 5.5 year old need to start eating "family dinners" with us rather than picking at dinners/having alternative options. I don't think this is far off from what we are doing currently, which is that he makes a dish and I adapt/add to it for a kid friendly version (think a lot of deconstructed or choose your toppings things, plus bread/butter or PBJ some nights when they are unlikely to eat any major components). I am not opposed to this but want to be realistic about what they can/will eat at this age and at that time of day. Curious to hear any experience/research on making that transition and what has/hasn't worked or is/isn't realistic. TIA!!

First of all, an apology. I wrote this from within the heat dome; it’s a bit salty and I don’t actually think your husband is an asshole. 

It’s not clear from your question what the impetus is for your husband wanting to mix up mealtimes, so I’m going to make some assumptions.  

The first is that he’s fed up. Fed up of watching you have to do this additional labour to convert his meal into something the kids will eat. Fed up of the washing up and the extra little bowls for toppings and deconstructed elements. It’s the foodwork of it all.

But it also sounds like he might just be fed up with the kids’ bullshit. 

I get it. I frequently feel fed up with my kid’s bullshit at the dinner table. But I approach mealtimes pretty much exactly as you describe here and I’m a professional. 

I get the sense that your husband thinks that you might be pandering to their needs; coddling them with your little toppings and whatnot. YOU ARE A FUSSY EATING ENABLER.